Category Archives: family

raising our children

just got back from visiting my oldest and dearest girlfriend. she is a divorced, single mother of three kids: 15, 12 and 9 years old. her kids’ father has little involvement in their upbringing. it was interesting for us to see how someone else raises their kids. very interesting indeed. it made me wonder …

  • should children growing up learn proper manner?
  • should we really still be spanking our children to force their compliance?
  • when does a spanking stop and a beating begin?
  • and what of the way it makes a child feel?
  • does not this, in and of itself, make it wrong?

i remember being spanked
at 2 years old
with a wooden ruler
because i peed my pants.
my dad was angry.
and so i got spanked.
i never forgot
the way it made me feel —
ego crushed.

  • is that how we want to be remembered by our kids?
  • and what of setting limits?
  • is it not compassionate and necessary to teach them how to function in society?
  • should a 9 year old boy still be sleeping with his mother?
  • or screaming from the bed the second he awakes ‘mom i’m hungry!’
  • really? should he?

i’m not the mum of the century,
but my boy can function in society —
you know,
has manners,
and self-sufficient independence.
he would never dream
of showing off to visitors
how well he can fart or belch …
that IS rude, isn’t it?

it’s so easy to collect children – you know, they are a sort of status symbol – but how sad that few of us realize how very difficuly it is to raise them properly. it is so much easier to give in and let them have their way. how sad for those kids. how sad for the parents, too. that they have so little regard for their task as parents.

i would just like to add that the value of fathers is SOOOOOO under-rated. a child needs its father. especially a boy. to all you fathers out there … know that you absolutely do make a difference in the lives of your children. you are NOT just the banker or the sperm donor. those babies … ? they look up to you for so much more.

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Filed under child-rearing, family, sociology

is someone raising the kids?

a father got on the bus this afternoon with his 3 kids. 2 boys, about 9 or 10. and a girl, about 7 or 8. the girl sat near the back of the bus, on a seat over the wheel, beside one of her brothers. the father sat in a separate seat, closer to the front of the bus. as little girls do, the girl delighted in playfully teasing her brother. she had his hat, i think. would not give it back. she taunted him. giggling. waving it in the air. the angrier he got, the more she giggled. then finally, he started hitting his sister.

i’m sitting at the back of the bus, watching these kids. thinking – this is the next generation. when i am old and a little more vulnerable, this is what will be in charge of society. YIKES. what struck me so solidly is the use of violence as a solution. okay, so if you are pissing me off, and i just can’t make you stop, then i should hit you? why, exactly are 9 and 10 year olds doing this, and where, exactly, do they learn these problem solving skills from?

now everyone is out there pointing the finger at the tele. okay. its violent. no denying it. but … i raised 2 boys. they watched the tele. stuff like the power rangers, the ninja turtles — things with gratuitous violence. yet, they did not resort to violence with each other. never. not even once. i know, that’s just one example, it proves nothing. but my point is, parents are responsible for teaching their children about life, for helping them find the tools to manoever thru it. that does not mean plunking them in front of the tele while we go off and try to keep up with the jones’. and it sure would help if news of some unilateral, unecessary invasion were not plastered all over the media …

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Filed under child-rearing, family, humanity, ideology, sociology